turned inside out

sometimes I wonder if it is any use for a person's development to always search for the special, unknown, or pretend to be more clever so people would appreciate one.
actually i guess at this point the focus is exactly the wrong way round, as a person then is so fixated on the opinion of others that it is easy to forget how their inside actually looks like. it is as if they became strangers to themselves, which is likely to be the source of a lot of trouble. because how should they be authentic and rest in themselves, when they have forgotten how they are? this is probably quite difficult, but what is more is the scare they are likely to develop against looking at themselves as they really are. supposedly, one would notice one's faults first, as they probably were the first reason why one initially tried to make up with pretending. this might in fact be very hard to accept, but after delusion some positive surprises are likely to be in store, for example when a problem is mastered better than expected. in some sense it is like sounding one's limits, accepting the deficits as well as the talents.
actually, i do still not understand why often it seems to be so difficult to take on the good things about the own personality.. i wonder if it might have to do with responsibility? it seems as if accepting and promoting one's deficiencies would absolve the person in question of the responsibility of doing or at least attempting things in a specific area, so maybe for tricky things self-depreciation is the more comfortable option. conversely, does accepting a talent not imply the duty to train it (which might be hard work) as well as using it for something good (which might even be harder)?