To my friends

Thank you all for being in my life this year! It made it so much richer and colourful and brought a lot of happiness into it.
Thank you also for the difficult moments we had to overcome; I could learn a lot from them, which helped me to grow a bit more to whom I should be (even if the moments themselves were not the most pleasant ;).
And also in good times, I was astonished by your many talents, your friendlyness, your generosity, your frankness, your honesty - just to mention a few. I just hope I also can bring some joy into your lives.

To all of you I wish a peaceful, joyful, interesting, and blessed new year!

Hope to see you again soon in 2009!
:)

revising beliefs

Recently I once again realised that I'm invariably getting older... - ok nothing new, and I admit I don't really mind (- yet?)
But there was one characteristic of a growing up person which keeps striking me as I observe it on some people around me:

They start becoming serious. Not in the 'no fun' way of mentality. But rather in a very fascinating way: they start to link their actions to their beliefs and convictions.

Maybe at first this seems trivial - they probably were doing this all the time one might think. But in fact this doesn't seem to be the case. Somehow very often people - especially when they are still young - have very strong (sometimes unreflected) opinions and expectations on many things and other people; without, however, living up to the standards they set. So when growing up, some of them start to revise these standards, to shape and correct their childhood beliefs, and to follow them themselves.

This process seriously intrigues me, as all of a sudden people take on the responsibility for their lifes and themselves; they are no longer just a passive product of what others imposed on them. Instead, they become active and face a challenging task, as if they were woken up from sleep, ready to change the world.

24th December

The Birth of Jesus

In those days Caesar Augustus issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire Roman world. (This was the first census that took place while Quirinius was governor of Syria.) And everyone went to his own town to register.

So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David. He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child. While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn.

And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger."

Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,
"Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests."
[Luke 2:1-14]



A joyful and blessed christmas to all of you! I wish you to be able to leave all the social stress behind and arrive in your heart at what you are actually celebrating: God becoming human, to save every single one of us.

23rd December

Prepare for tomorrow:

Tyli naktis, šventa naktis!
Viskas miega, tik dar vis.
Motinėlė ten budi viena.
Kūdikis su meilia šypsena
Ilsisi, miega ramiai,
Ilsisi, miega ramiai.

Tyli naktis, šventa naktis!
Pildos dieviška mintis:
Viešpats, tapęs mažu vaikeliu,
Žada sieloms malonių gausių
Savo šventu gimimu
Savo šventu gimimu

Tyli naktis, šventa naktis!
Vyksta meilės paslaptis.
Angelų giesmė skamba nakčia,
nešdama piemenims žinią šią:
Jau Išganytojas čia!
Jau Išganytojas čia!

also possible:

Klusa nakts, svēta nakts!
Visi dus. Nomodā
Vēl ir Jāzeps un Marija
Kūtī, Dāvida pilsētā.
Jēzus silītē dus,
Jēzus silītē dus.

Klusa nakts, svēta nakts!
Ganiem Dievs novēl Pats
Dzirdēt eņģeļus slavējam,
Tuvu, tālu skandinām:
Kristus - Glābējs ir klāt!
Kristus - Glābējs ir klāt!

Klusa nakts, svēta nakts!
Dieva Dēls, Tava acs
Mirdz mums dievišķā skaidrībā.
Nu ir dvēsele pestīta,
Jo Tu dzimis par mums!
Jo Tu dzimis par mums!


or if you are a conservative person, stick to the original:

Stille Nacht, heilige Nacht!
Alles schläft, einsam wacht
Nur das traute hochheilige Paar,
Holder Knabe mit lockigem Haar,
Schlaf in himmlischer Ruh,
Schlaf in himmlischer Ruh.

Stille Nacht, heilige Nacht!
Gottes Sohn, o wie lacht
Lieb’ aus deinem holdseligen Mund,
Da uns schlägt die rettende Stund’,
Christ, in deiner Geburt,
Christ, in deiner Geburt!

Stille Nacht, heilige Nacht!
Hirten erst kund gemacht;
Durch der Engel Halleluja
Tönt es laut von fern und nah’;
Christ der Retter ist da,
Christ der Retter ist da!

either way, oil your voices so you can fully join in tomorrow night! :)

22nd December

back.

it was a wonderful time at my former home - so many nice moments with people that have grown on me and that i missed :)

spending time with you was like a christmas gift: something wished for for a long time, somehow uncertain, and then a lovely surprise!

and i learned something: the most beautiful thing of performing music is to make people happy. of course it can be enjoyable to play for oneself, but it is nothing compared to looking into the shiny eyes of people whose hearts are joyful because you played for them, and the music opened up their heart to the beauty of the world.
it does not always happen, but when it does it's a miracle!

21st December

a rather interesting way to produce sql injections... ;)

20th December

Life can be so beautiful, once one jumps out of some routine which keeps one so busy that no clear thought comes to one's mind. But once that is gone, you look around and realise how beautiful this world is, how many good things there are, and feel full of love for this world and its inhabitants - Life itself then becomes such joy :)

The thing that makes me hopeful is that this beauty is so varied and everywhere, so one can find it wherever one is. It is 'just' the mindset needed for finding it - which might be a bit more difficult to keep during our selfmade stress of everyday routines; but I do believe it is possible.

19th December

As I'm currently kinda traveling I am afraid that this calendar will lack some entries.. however, i got something funny and geeky in the mail which is too funny to not share.. enjoy the spirit :)

                      _/\_
                      > _<
                      /` `.
                    .' ' o \
                   ( ()   @ '.
                  .-'  *_.-'-;
                .' 0 Q    ()  `-.
               / @     o .   *   )
               `-...-""-    '-~'`
              _.'`  Q *   0   @`-.
            .'    o   .     *    '-.
           / @     .___.~-'     ()  `\
          (    ()    *    Q'.__Q   *.'
           '-.-' `--._  @         ``-.
         _.-'   @      __.-'~'-.  @  `-.
       .'    *    ..-'       o        0 `)
      /  0.-~-._       0  *    _.~-.*__.'
      '._       ()  '-.____.-'Q     . '-.
         ;--' Q   *         *     o    @ '-.
      .-' *   '.___ ..~ - .    0     ()   Q '.
     / @    o       *       _.''~.._____.--'`-.
    '-.___Q   .  0     ()     @     *    @`;_*8*_
    .':.  `'c___c   .___.-~  Q  o .=..=.   |\ \\ |
   /.  ':.  /. .\  0     @  _____((-\/-))__|\\ \\|
  ; ':.  ':.\_T_/: _______ |-__-----||-----| \\ \|
  |.  ':.  /`   `\  ||__||_|_\/     ||     |\ \\ |
   \:.  ':(/     \) |""  |____|\    ||     |\\ \\|
    '::.__'/';-;'\ (=)==(=)==(=)\"""~~"""""| \\ \|
          ()/   \()

16th December

What a beautiful feeling if someone is showing appreciation towards one. Maybe it is not always an easy thing to do, and people often tend to say 'oh, he/she knows very well how much I appreciate them'.
However, I am not so sure of this, and there is nothing we loose when opening up our hearts and telling someone about the joy they are bringing into our lives just by being there. Maybe it takes some courage to overcome our pride, admitting that our life would be less beautiful without them, but what better gift can you give to a person than telling them that you are grateful to know them?

15th December

Two interesting observations: it is scary how quickly anger and frustration can come back, even after a good achievment. and it is as astonishing how good it can do to then let things be and do something else. it is a real relief then to find that people also see other abilities in oneself and even choose to rely on them and one can give them a hand to do something amazing.

14th December

inauguration of my personal skiing season! :) it was great fun, nice snow, nice company, and will be nice muscle pain by tomorrow morning. again there were many nice thoughts in my head, but now i'm too tired to put them down... maybe some other day :)

13th December

It sounds so trivial, but it is so difficult to get it right: to put the appropriate tone in what you say. If you think of it, this is not so surprising - in the end one is trying to firstly squeeze some thoughts or feelings into concrete language, which already can cause so many misunderstandings. secondly, very often one has a more or less conscious opinion about the person one is talking to and conveys a lot of this in one's manner of addressing them. this might not even be wanted, but bears the potential to seriously (and miraculously) upset the other one. So if some totally unexpected behaviour happens in communication, it could be a good indicator for taking a closer look on the issue.

12th December

At the beginning of this advent calendar someone asked me to put some pictures of christmas-romantic munich, and finally this town has done me the favour of putting on some nice white fluffy coat. it is really nice, especially further out of the centre, where the snow makes everything so silent, peaceful, and pretty.

I even found a new friend which you can see on top of the page :) And I found a hilarious idea for a gift, if someone desperately feels like giving one to me..

11th December

Snow.. :) It was just lovely to see the flakes swirl through the air shining under the light of the street lamps. Simply beautiful... and so playful! it makes me happy each time I have the privilege to see it.
The sensation of snowflakes melting on my face and sticking to my eyelashes and brows was so refreshing and when I came home seeing my icicled red face in the mirrow gave me a really good laugh and mood.
Can't wait to jump in the snow again! Fingers crossed, the skis are ready, maybe this weekend...

10th December

"I now see that I spent most of my life in doing neither what I ought, nor what I liked"

[CS. Lewis, The Screwtape Letters]

9th December

just as i looked into my mailbox, i saw that there are 2222 emails in it.. probably most of them are not important at all, most of them came to me on some random mailinglist and not from someone in particular who wanted to tell something just to me.

somehow there seems to be a correspondence to oral communication. people so often keep saying things, which might even be entertaining, but not addressed to anyone in particular and not really conveying something substantiable. i am conscious of doing this myself, sometimes just for socialising and (at least trying) to make people feel at ease. but also to avoid to have to discuss something serious and unpleasant. it's even possible to observe people being conscious of such issue but continuously avoiding clearing it up until they kinda can not help it anymore. but then, i guess, it's human.. because addressing these things takes quite some courage, as one - at least for some time - has to put down one's disguise and take a stance on who one really is. in some ways it is quite a risk, but also i think there's a big likelyhood of a bigger gain in the sense of that an addressed problem can never grow into such monster as an ignored one..

and also another thing. truth and honesty might be unpleasant at times. but (maybe especially then) they are a sign of appreciation for one another.

8th December

Too tired to write much... but fascinated by mirrow occurrences in life, like a role swap in theater.

7th December

What is advent? It's the time for reconsidering one's route and position.. and then to readjust and try again, if things are not the way they ought to be.
Sounds simple and straightforward.. but already in small things in life it turns out to be quite challenging.. so I guess this means: re-try until you get it right!

6th December

Day of St Nicholas If you know someone called Nicholas or sth similar you can congratulate them to their nameday today ;)

Or maybe you are searching for another way of showing some appreciation to people around you? You could try sending real paper christmas cards to them... I find it so nice each year you find a card from a friend far away, of whom you haven't heard in a while and you realise they still didn't forget about you. To me this is quality contact, so much better than all this facebooking, just because it is so real.

The only thing about this game is to not write just to get a letter back (but I guess this is valid for all kind of gifts you give). But then, if you think of it, it's not a big problem when you write just because you feel like it :)

5th December

Quite often in our society one can find the attitude of minding noone's business, paired with the expectation to be left alone and not to be bothered in one's own actions. And often, one could think, this attitude seems quite fine: I go my way, you go yours, as long as we don't get cross we're free to do or not do whatever we please.

However, today I was told a story that shows a drastic counter example to this way of behaviour and highlights that still everyone has a responsibility for the people around them, known or not.

One woman was arriving exhausted and very upset. She told: "There was total chaos on the underground! A young girl had thrown herself in front of the train. When I was arriving at the platform, there was a woman completely shocked and in a mess. What she told me was so terrible; she said, she had observed this girl, standing near the border of the platform, crying desperately. She was thinking of speaking to her, but didn't dare to - and then decided to ignore it! So when the train was entering the station she just saw the girl throwing herself under it.."

I wonder now... how much responsibility does this woman have for the girl's death? And then, I wonder if objectively matters, as she seemed to feel responsible, as her speaking to that desperate girl could have saved her? And... how often could we have helped someone, just by asking how they were feeling, showing that it is not totally uninteresting for the whole world what is happening to them?

There are a lot more thoughts going round in my head, I can't really put them down.. Just one thing really pushes forward; it concerns the way our society is treating younger people.. For a whole huge branch of our economy they are the perfect 'victims' as with all their insecurities they are very easy to seduce and at the same time rather unprotected as they are trying to break free from their parents. So in some sense they are perfect for making money from them, showing them all the nice, glittery, perfect images of fake relationships, friendship, and love, but without EVER telling them about the real impact all these thing will have on them, once they got tangled up in them. And there often seems noone they can turn to, once this whole 'perfect' world comes crashing down on them. So what should become of them? Obviously only few of them take the option of jumping in front of a train. But they still are so often left to themselves to deal with all these pain they have suffered.
I don't think this is fair.. Now don't tell me 'life isn't fair'... it's no use in this place, 'cause there is something everyone can do just by opening up their eyes and looking at the people around.

4th December

Traditionally the day of Saint Barbara. Here it is custom at this day to cut branches from the bare trees and put them in a vase so the 'dead' wood will revive again and bear fresh leaves and flowers at christmas. I think it is quite a symbolic meaning for the time of advent, when consciousness of the worlds darkness and misery is starting to break away and to show some glimpse of light and hope.

But then I wonder if it is still possible to notice all these unobtrusive things, starting from darkness and silence, in our ever more glaring and loud world... and if anyone even wants to percieve them.. There are hard to find, as they are often outside of our world of daily routines and habits which doesn't know of much time to breathe and look around. But somehow I think it might be worth it to look for them nevertheless.

3rd December

I seriously started studying for a terrible exam.. to get at least something done I dumped the pc under the table and sat just me and my script.. for several hours. Actually I was surprised that some things seemed not so difficult anymore, after overcoming my general aversion to the subject..

Studying was interesting, especially as I never would have thought that attempting to study logic might turn out so effective for instant meditation about all the worlds issues. In fact, there were so many interesting thoughts flowing through my mind, but at the same time it felt like a dream so I could not really catch them and make them stay..

Now I have a hard time remembering them; but I wonder if they are still somewhere in my mind, ready to come up at the right moment?

2nd December

well... at least still for me, as i havent slept yet..

the reason - as you could probably guess - is some piece of badly coordinated team work... but anyway, this situation hopefully will give me some incentive to take some more responsibility next time and organize it better..

apart from that.. there were a good amount of interesting impressions today which i realized because i decided to leave my earplugs out for the next time (let's see if i will manage till christmas). i tried this before and it was an interesting period, as breaking one habit often brings you to try completely 'random' things alongside your daily paths. (it starts from literally changing paths by taking another road on the way to the station, or taking a train one stop too far even when not exactly knowing the direction, but also just doing things differently can be really interesting..)

the most interesting encounter i had today:
a woman selling chestnuts offered me one as a present after i had finally managed to unlock my bike at the station in that terrible cold. she told it would warm my fingers.. it was really sweet and at the same time a clever move: she actually wanted to talk to me and ask me to not put my bike too close to the stand as it had been blocking the electricity box... of course this was not a problem at all, but i really admired this way of bringing some stranger into a good mood before asking some favour of them..

1st December

Waking up this morning, I realised that it was time to open the first door of my little christmas calendar. As every year, I am happy about it but at the same time worried:
there are exams coming up, a lot of things are to be done before christmas, time is running out, there's lack of presents, too many christmas celebrations...
for this reason I wanted to start some sort of calendar on my blog; for me and for you to remind ourselves to think about what we are preparing to celebrate, to reconsider some habits and attitudes, so there won't be too much of this feeling: 'christmas?!?! already?!?! but i'm not there yet...'
take care