11th December

Snow.. :) It was just lovely to see the flakes swirl through the air shining under the light of the street lamps. Simply beautiful... and so playful! it makes me happy each time I have the privilege to see it.
The sensation of snowflakes melting on my face and sticking to my eyelashes and brows was so refreshing and when I came home seeing my icicled red face in the mirrow gave me a really good laugh and mood.
Can't wait to jump in the snow again! Fingers crossed, the skis are ready, maybe this weekend...

10th December

"I now see that I spent most of my life in doing neither what I ought, nor what I liked"

[CS. Lewis, The Screwtape Letters]

9th December

just as i looked into my mailbox, i saw that there are 2222 emails in it.. probably most of them are not important at all, most of them came to me on some random mailinglist and not from someone in particular who wanted to tell something just to me.

somehow there seems to be a correspondence to oral communication. people so often keep saying things, which might even be entertaining, but not addressed to anyone in particular and not really conveying something substantiable. i am conscious of doing this myself, sometimes just for socialising and (at least trying) to make people feel at ease. but also to avoid to have to discuss something serious and unpleasant. it's even possible to observe people being conscious of such issue but continuously avoiding clearing it up until they kinda can not help it anymore. but then, i guess, it's human.. because addressing these things takes quite some courage, as one - at least for some time - has to put down one's disguise and take a stance on who one really is. in some ways it is quite a risk, but also i think there's a big likelyhood of a bigger gain in the sense of that an addressed problem can never grow into such monster as an ignored one..

and also another thing. truth and honesty might be unpleasant at times. but (maybe especially then) they are a sign of appreciation for one another.

8th December

Too tired to write much... but fascinated by mirrow occurrences in life, like a role swap in theater.

7th December

What is advent? It's the time for reconsidering one's route and position.. and then to readjust and try again, if things are not the way they ought to be.
Sounds simple and straightforward.. but already in small things in life it turns out to be quite challenging.. so I guess this means: re-try until you get it right!

6th December

Day of St Nicholas If you know someone called Nicholas or sth similar you can congratulate them to their nameday today ;)

Or maybe you are searching for another way of showing some appreciation to people around you? You could try sending real paper christmas cards to them... I find it so nice each year you find a card from a friend far away, of whom you haven't heard in a while and you realise they still didn't forget about you. To me this is quality contact, so much better than all this facebooking, just because it is so real.

The only thing about this game is to not write just to get a letter back (but I guess this is valid for all kind of gifts you give). But then, if you think of it, it's not a big problem when you write just because you feel like it :)

5th December

Quite often in our society one can find the attitude of minding noone's business, paired with the expectation to be left alone and not to be bothered in one's own actions. And often, one could think, this attitude seems quite fine: I go my way, you go yours, as long as we don't get cross we're free to do or not do whatever we please.

However, today I was told a story that shows a drastic counter example to this way of behaviour and highlights that still everyone has a responsibility for the people around them, known or not.

One woman was arriving exhausted and very upset. She told: "There was total chaos on the underground! A young girl had thrown herself in front of the train. When I was arriving at the platform, there was a woman completely shocked and in a mess. What she told me was so terrible; she said, she had observed this girl, standing near the border of the platform, crying desperately. She was thinking of speaking to her, but didn't dare to - and then decided to ignore it! So when the train was entering the station she just saw the girl throwing herself under it.."

I wonder now... how much responsibility does this woman have for the girl's death? And then, I wonder if objectively matters, as she seemed to feel responsible, as her speaking to that desperate girl could have saved her? And... how often could we have helped someone, just by asking how they were feeling, showing that it is not totally uninteresting for the whole world what is happening to them?

There are a lot more thoughts going round in my head, I can't really put them down.. Just one thing really pushes forward; it concerns the way our society is treating younger people.. For a whole huge branch of our economy they are the perfect 'victims' as with all their insecurities they are very easy to seduce and at the same time rather unprotected as they are trying to break free from their parents. So in some sense they are perfect for making money from them, showing them all the nice, glittery, perfect images of fake relationships, friendship, and love, but without EVER telling them about the real impact all these thing will have on them, once they got tangled up in them. And there often seems noone they can turn to, once this whole 'perfect' world comes crashing down on them. So what should become of them? Obviously only few of them take the option of jumping in front of a train. But they still are so often left to themselves to deal with all these pain they have suffered.
I don't think this is fair.. Now don't tell me 'life isn't fair'... it's no use in this place, 'cause there is something everyone can do just by opening up their eyes and looking at the people around.

4th December

Traditionally the day of Saint Barbara. Here it is custom at this day to cut branches from the bare trees and put them in a vase so the 'dead' wood will revive again and bear fresh leaves and flowers at christmas. I think it is quite a symbolic meaning for the time of advent, when consciousness of the worlds darkness and misery is starting to break away and to show some glimpse of light and hope.

But then I wonder if it is still possible to notice all these unobtrusive things, starting from darkness and silence, in our ever more glaring and loud world... and if anyone even wants to percieve them.. There are hard to find, as they are often outside of our world of daily routines and habits which doesn't know of much time to breathe and look around. But somehow I think it might be worth it to look for them nevertheless.

3rd December

I seriously started studying for a terrible exam.. to get at least something done I dumped the pc under the table and sat just me and my script.. for several hours. Actually I was surprised that some things seemed not so difficult anymore, after overcoming my general aversion to the subject..

Studying was interesting, especially as I never would have thought that attempting to study logic might turn out so effective for instant meditation about all the worlds issues. In fact, there were so many interesting thoughts flowing through my mind, but at the same time it felt like a dream so I could not really catch them and make them stay..

Now I have a hard time remembering them; but I wonder if they are still somewhere in my mind, ready to come up at the right moment?

2nd December

well... at least still for me, as i havent slept yet..

the reason - as you could probably guess - is some piece of badly coordinated team work... but anyway, this situation hopefully will give me some incentive to take some more responsibility next time and organize it better..

apart from that.. there were a good amount of interesting impressions today which i realized because i decided to leave my earplugs out for the next time (let's see if i will manage till christmas). i tried this before and it was an interesting period, as breaking one habit often brings you to try completely 'random' things alongside your daily paths. (it starts from literally changing paths by taking another road on the way to the station, or taking a train one stop too far even when not exactly knowing the direction, but also just doing things differently can be really interesting..)

the most interesting encounter i had today:
a woman selling chestnuts offered me one as a present after i had finally managed to unlock my bike at the station in that terrible cold. she told it would warm my fingers.. it was really sweet and at the same time a clever move: she actually wanted to talk to me and ask me to not put my bike too close to the stand as it had been blocking the electricity box... of course this was not a problem at all, but i really admired this way of bringing some stranger into a good mood before asking some favour of them..